most of the time when i write i sit there staring at the flashing cursor on a blank screen trying to think of the best words, the most profound words, the funniest or deepest words. today is no different so in the effort of not missing out on my few minutes of free time (free time what?!) i'll just write!
i feel like i blinked and i have an almost six month old. i truly got to savor my first three months at home and then came survival mode. working and having a baby is hard. not complaining or trying to one up any particular situation. it's just hard. it hasn't gotten easier to leave her (it will get easier they say, i guess me not crying everyday is easier) and i haven't enjoyed being away any more (maybe if i liked my job more?) but what i have learned is that regardless of where i am or the day i had i want to be filled with joy.
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| 3 months. miss personality is wondering why i'm taking all these pictures |
joy comes pretty easy from being around my girl. she lights up my days and changes my mood in an instant. she reminds me of whats important and makes me want to be a better version of myself. but being a mom comes opportunities to get down on yourself. am i doing the right thing, spending enough time, wearing the right wrap, using the right sleep method, and don't get me started on all the books i could read to point out what i'm not doing. compare, compare, compare.
the people that i want to be like the most, or those that i connect with the most at least are those people who are genuine, who are real...not acting like everything is put together or perfect...but are filled with joy and laughter.
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| 4 months. now why exactly do we keep doing this? aren't i getting a little big to fit on this thing? |
this got me thinking, what makes me joyful, what makes me happy, what do i want to spend my days doing? i'm still praying on this one and asking God to reveal my heart, his desires for me, and how i can best serve him in my days but what i've learned recently is that i want to savor this time.
i don't want to miss it, i don't want to blink.
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| 5 months. say what mama? the cuteness abounds.
i want to write & capture stories. i want to take more pictures. i want to be on social media less.
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(believe me i LOVE me some instagram but i want to enjoy my moments instead of comparing myself to others, oh every 5 seconds when i check my phone. don't get me wrong, i'll still be on there :)
i want to enjoy simple things. i want to not get upset about small things. i want to soak up things.
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| full of joy. fills me with joy. |
so if you are still reading (hello and thank you!) i'll be blogging more, sharing more, chronicling more. i love reading blogs and connecting with people in that way so i thought why not join in the fun again. no beating myself up about what i haven't done or won't do. i found this quote below the other day on some social media site (yes they are good for many things!) and i can't let it go.
comparison is something i've struggled with as long as i remember. i think it comes with a perfectionist personality (another issue to address another day) it steals my joy daily, even sitting here typing i'm wondering if this post is good enough, profound enough, rambling enough maybe?
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| mama don't you know not to compare yourself to others already?! |
so moving forward i choose joy, and i choose not to (try not to) compare. or rather it is my prayer the the Lord will help me focus on these things. i can't do it on my own for sure. and if you come back to my blog i promise it will be filled with mostly the things that do give me joy, like crafts and cooking and babies of course.
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| hopefully this lady is done writing and we can all get back to what we really came to see, me. |
